托福写作题目：20年后人们将使用比现在更少的车
最近托福考试可真是不太平啊~~先是阅读出现了ABC卷，让备考的小伙伴们应接不暇;紧接着4月底考试的宝宝们就跟老师哭诉：写作再也不是我们认识的写作了!
首先，综合写作改套路了，听力不再去反驳阅读了，而是去回答阅读中的问题。而独立写作的题目里竟然出现了一行小字： Be sure to use your own words. Do not use memorized example. 哦买尴!这简直就是继乒乓球由小改大后专为沦陷亚洲人而设计的规则变更嘛!帝国主义亡我之心不死啊!
宝宝们别慌。今天，我们就来给各位献上高分作文剖析。
(阅读提示：请大家先整体读一遍TPO35的题目及范文，后面会有我的分段解析)
TPO 35
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
大神文章：
The Earth today faces many problems. Among these problems, the top three, in some people's perspective, are probably global warming, pollution and energy crisis. All three, if we really look into them, can be connected with the pervasive use of private cars. It is because of this, I agree with the statement that there will be fewer cars in twenty years comparing with today.
First of all, people will definitely use fewer cars. If we look at the global media, we are seeing an increasing consciousness on environmental problems. Be it the famous documentay by Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth, or the "Earth One Hour" movement. They all indicate a global consensus: "We need to help the environment". So what's the easiest way to help? Using fewer cars. According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Environmental Conservation in China, more than 40 percent of carbon dioxide produced by individuals are from private cars. If the trend of eco-friendly consciousness continues to grow in the next 20 years, people will, without a doubt, use fewer and fewer cars. So, in a nutshell, the first reason why people will drive less in twenty years is because they will be more environmentally-concerned.
Another key aspect is that, in twenty years, there will be fewer people in the world. If there are fewer people in the world, of course there will be fewer cars. If we are sensitive to global trends, we can see that a lot of countries in the world are facing a decrease in population. The biggest contributors to population growth, China and India, are also experiencing a decrease in the rate of population increase. In 20 years, I am confident that there will be, without a doubt, fewer people in the world. In this case, there will be a decrease in the needs of transportation. So, it is logical to assume that there will be fewer cars in the world twenty years from now.
A final argument I want to make is based on the ever developing technology. In the past twenty years, we have seen tremendous innovations taken place in the field of transportation. From high-speed trains to cars that run on electric, there is simply no telling what might happen twenty years from now. Considering how much we have achieved in the past twenty years, it is not so improbable for me to say that we might not even need cars in the near future. Who's to say that we won't be traveling on more efficient vehicles? Or maybe public transportation may become so convenient that we won't even consider using private transportation ever again? The fact is, we cannot deny these possibilities for they are very likely to happen. In this light, I am definitely supportive of the view that there will be fewer cars in the future.
From my arguments above, I think I am very optimistic about the future. I believe that, in twenty years, we will be living in a society with much fewer cars. And I am looking forward to that future.
OG里5分作文的评分标准
首先我们来破题。
这是传统的独立写作题型，由三句话组成：第一句 “Do you agree or disagree with the following statement”是考生要完成的task，第二句 “In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today”是写作话题topic，第三句 “Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer” 是题目给你的requirement。所有考生都知道一篇作文必须“扣题”，在托福作文里就是去扣这三句话。这样一说，你是不是立马理解了5分标准里的前两条了?
第一条“Effectively addresses the topic and task”，就是指扣题目里的前两句话。 第二条“Is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications and/or details” 就是扣题目里的第三句话。读到这里，请各位宝宝们反思一句：扣题，你真的做到了吗?
因此，我们在写这道题时，就一定要紧紧扣住“20年后人们将使用比现在更少的车”这个话题，并呈现这样的分段：开头段一定要提出自己是否同意这个观点，正文段用reasons和examples去论证自己的观点，再用结尾段收束整篇文章，搞定。
再看看姚神的，啊呀，与我的分段方式不谋而合呢!开头段立论，3个正文段发展，结尾段收束——完美!有没有发现很好地符合了5分标准第二条里面的“is well organized”?童鞋们现在还敢不敢乱分段了?哼(傲娇脸)。哈哈，接下来再细看每一段吧~
文章分析
01
The Earth today faces many problems. Among these problems, the top three, in some people's perspective, are probably global warming, pollution and energy crisis. All three, if we really look into them, can be connected with the pervasive use of private cars. It is because of this, I agree with the statement that there will be fewer cars in twenty years comparing with today.
开头段最核心的功能是“立论”，也即回答题目的第一句话，表明自己的观点是同意还是不同意。姚神开头段的最后一句就是个明确的立论：同意题目观点。当然姚神在立论前还做了lead-in，作用是告诉大家写这篇文章的背景，引起读者兴趣。不过请注意，各位同学可别硬拽高端写法。如果你的打字速度呵呵哒，那么为师强烈建议第一段直接立论;否则正文段没时间好好写，那可就得不偿失啦。
02
First of all, people will definitely use fewer cars. If we look at the global media, we are seeing an increasing consciousness on environmental problems. Be it the famous documentay by Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth, or the "Earth One Hour" movement. They all indicate a global consensus: "We need to help the environment". So what's the easiest way to help? Using fewer cars. According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Environmental Conservation in China, more than 40 percent of carbon dioxide produced by individuals are from private cars. If the trend of eco-friendly consciousness continues to grow in the next 20 years, people will, without a doubt, use fewer and fewer cars. So, in a nutshell, the first reason why people will drive less in twenty years is because they will be more environmentally-concerned.
正文段的作用是啥?论证你的观点。换句话说，论证你的第一段立论。你第一段立的啥论，后面就要一门心思去证明它。如果正文段与第一段没有完美印证，而是走歪了，那就违反了5分标准里第三条的第一个词 “unity”(统一、一致)。此外，用啥论证?题目要求里不说了么，reasons and examples. 看看姚神这段，以段落中部的according to a survey为分界点，前面是reason，后面是example，是不是正中5分标准的下怀呢?曾经有同学问我：“老师，一定要写example吗?我觉得老写my cousin Tom好low啊……”答案请见姚神作文，example不一定非要写cousin Tom或者隔壁老王嘛，你也可以写一个survey啊。当然，前提是，你真真切切地了解一个真实的survey，你可别到考场上自己胡编乱造啊。胡编乱造的最大特别就是细节缺失，而考场临时凑出来的survey绝对会细节缺失，一看就是假的，想给你分都难啊!
最后，嘿嘿，不得不请大家注意一下，有木有发现姚神第3句的documentary打错了，少了个字母 “r”?哈哈，其实呢，这种不影响读者理解的小笔误，就是5分标准里第四条的minor lexical errors(微小的单词错误)，是不会影响你拿满分哒!
03
Another key aspect is that, in twenty years, there will be fewer people in the world. If there are fewer people in the world, of course there will be fewer cars. If we are sensitive to global trends, we can see that a lot of countries in the world are facing a decrease in population. The biggest contributors to population growth, China and India, are also experiencing a decrease in the rate of population increase. In 20 years, I am confident that there will be, without a doubt, fewer people in the world. In this case, there will be a decrease in the needs of transportation. So, it is logical to assume that there will be fewer cars in the world twenty years from now.
再看姚神的第二个正文段。大家细看一下我挑出来的这些词：another key aspect, if, in 20 years, in this case, so. 有没有发现有啥共同点?没错，它们都有连接作用，凸显前后文逻辑。很多同学在表达观点时，不擅长使用连接词，导致观点之间逻辑不紧密，让人感觉不到在一步步论证自己的观点。这就与5分标准第三条里的两个词 “progression(进展)”和 “coherence(连贯)”相悖。当然，如果你写了一堆连接词，但其实句意根本不是那层逻辑，那也是完全没用的。比如：“我喜欢吃苹果，所以我妈种了很多桔子。”这个句子里确实有连接词“所以”，然而这逻辑——这位同学是在逗我吗?你好歹也要加个背景“我是捡来的”吧!
04
A final argument I want to make is based on the ever developing technology. In the past twenty years, we have seen tremendous innovations taken place in the field of transportation. From high-speed trains to cars that run on electric, there is simply no telling what might happen twenty years from now. Considering how much we have achieved in the past twenty years, it is not so improbable for me to say that we might not even need cars in the near future. Who's to say that we won't be traveling on more efficient vehicles? Or maybe public transportation may become so convenient that we won't even consider using private transportation ever again? The fact is, we cannot deny these possibilities for they are very likely to happen. In this light, I am definitely supportive of the view that there will be fewer cars in the future.
第三个正文段——说到这会有同学打断我：“老师，我能不能只写两个正文段?”可以呀，大家看姚神这篇作文511个字，是大家在考场上能望其项背的么?能打400字就是考神附体了好么!所以，只写两个正文段，只要扣题了，发展清楚了，没有问题哒~~另外说下姚神这段的语言，用了两个rhetorical questions修辞性疑问句，在汉语里我们称之为“反问句”或“设问句”。这非常好地满足了5分标准里第四条的syntactic variety句法多样性。说到这里，有没有发现姚神这篇作文真的是360度全景符合5分标准呢!
05
From my arguments above, I think I am very optimistic about the future. I believe that, in twenty years, we will be living in a society with much fewer cars. And I am looking forward to that future.
再看最后一段，最后一段其实在托福写作中的作用不大，收束全文再次点题即可。姚神的这段结尾除了中规中矩地收束以外，还加了句对未来的展望 “I am looking forward to that future”。但是还是提醒大家别在展望上写太多哈，为师担心你把展望写成了一个新观点，但却没有展开它，那可就违背了well developed这一点啦。还是那句老话，高端写法别硬拽，乖乖把时间留下来去发展正文段吧~
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